Duck Duck Cougar?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My penis needs a shock collar
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
