my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
