i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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