Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
