i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
