If that was your dad, he is hot
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
