if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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