you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
