u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
