I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
