Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
