Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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