So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
