How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
