This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
