she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize