I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
