You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
