my mouth tastes like poor choices
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
