I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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