woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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