I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
