He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
