nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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