The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
