im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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