My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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