I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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