Sponge bath it is.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Panties = found
Randomize