we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
