As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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