Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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