plz talk dirty to me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
