I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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