why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
