I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
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