And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
