ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
