69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
