The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I didn't notice because vodka
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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