i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
