so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
