im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
