Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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