my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
