i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
