We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
