Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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