I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
