Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I didn't notice because vodka
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
