Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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