is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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