Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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