Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
