totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
