sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize