im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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