It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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