i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize