if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Did I show you my penis last night?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
