Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
