I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
