It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
