Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
