I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
