is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
