i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
