You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
