I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
