It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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