My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize