How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
