Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
