Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize