But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
