had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
