Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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