i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
