I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
