Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
