Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
