another moral hangover. fuck.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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