i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
