i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
