Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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