Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize