I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
