C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
