I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
