I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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