I want to walk on stilts...naked
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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