WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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