If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
