I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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