why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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