is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize