well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
