he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
