I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
