you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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