how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
