My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize