Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
