drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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