it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize