just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
