Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Houston, we have a blender
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
